The OPMOM Blog

Facebook ~ The Good, Bad, & the Ugly from a Forty Something Auntie’s Perspective

About two years ago, my husband got into a discussion with some of our young nieces and nephews about social media sites like Facebook. 

We were struggling to understand what was wrong with good old fashioned email or even the telephone as forms of communication.  And then my brilliant husband uttered the words that almost never come out of his mouth “I don’t get it.”  That was when I knew we as parents were in trouble – if we didn’t get it then, how were we going to get it in another four or five years when our boys would be participating in the latest social media sites?  So I decided to join Facebook myself to try and get a grasp on this whole social media thing before I was hopelessly behind.

My first move after setting up a very conservative and sparse profile for myself was to friend my teenage nieces, nephews and cousins (i.e. request that I be added to the list of people who could view their Facebook posts) – at that time they were pretty much the only people I knew on Facebook.  Somewhat amused and often shocked by my presence in the teenage realm of Facebook my young relatives accepted my friend requests posting remarks on my “wall” like “It’s pretty weird having my auntie on Facebook.” 

What I found in their profiles seemed pretty typical of teenagers – strange postings on their walls from their friends with cryptic lingo that I wasn’t nearly hip enough to understand and funny pictures that would someday make great fodder for rehearsal dinner slide shows (I downloaded some myself).

Unfortunately those pictures weren’t always so funny – well, not to me anyway.  These are good kids, but they are teenagers after all and as such they sometimes make some of the same mistakes that we made.  I took my share of very silly pictures in the mid to late 80s (pretty tame in comparison to what you see from some kids these days), but those pictures had little chance of ending up anywhere besides a forgotten scrapbook or in the trash as I got older and wiser.  Now in the age of Facebook, pictures can get downloaded, Photoshopped and posted all over the internet in seconds. 

Teenagers are wiser now than they used to be when it comes to cyber-stalking, but what about their real life friends and acquaintances?  Some of my young relatives have over 700 Facebook friends – I find it hard to believe that anyone can implicitly trust that many people.  Case in point, one new term that has made its way into the lingo of social media is “cyber-bullying.” Yes, it’s not bad enough that kids have to worry about caddy former friends spreading rumors around the lunchroom – now they get to worry about unfriendly classmates viciously attacking them online for a much larger and more permanent audience to see. I once got a friend request on Twitter (another social media site) from a young man who had created a web site with nude photos of his former girlfriend after a nasty breakup.

 While it can be damaging enough for these kids to have risqué photos published on the web now, the longer lasting worry is how they will affect them when they are ready to apply to universities or for a job.  One of the first places employers go to learn about what job candidates are really like is the internet often starting with Facebook.

But, I’ve also learned through my Facebook adventures that there is some good news too.  Facebook can be a great place for teenagers (actually all of us) to not only communicate with each other, but to also learn about marketing themselves for when they are trying to get into that Ivy League school or find a job in a very competitive market.  There are a lot of teenagers out there doing great things with their lives like excelling in team sports and extracurricular activities, volunteering and starting businesses.  Facebook is a great medium for organizing activities and marketing themselves if used responsibly.  So instead of trying to ban your kids from Facebook, consider embracing it with some general guidelines like the ones below: 

1. Lists – Users can compile lists among their Facebook friends and use those lists to dictate who gets to see what.  Personally, I allow only my family connections to see pictures of my children and personal contact information on Facebook. See the privacy settings here

2. Professional profile pictures – Most Facebook users allow the general public to see their profile picture to help potential friends find them.  Posting a conservative or professional looking profile picture sets a good first impression.

3. Grandparent test – Only post status updates, videos, and pictures that are appropriate for a grandparent, teacher or potential employer to see.  Your teenager might think twice about posting that skimpy bikini picture if she knows her grandfather might see it.

4. Friend relatives –Encourage your teenager to at least friend an older relative or trusted family friend if you are not going to insist they friend you.  My young relatives probably get annoyed with me when I leave disapproving comments on inappropriate pictures (encouraging their removal), but I’m pretty sure some day they’ll thank me for caring enough to risk their anger.

For more information about teens online visit the OnlineFamily.Norton site at check out topics on Internet Safety and your Teen.

Misty Khan is a mother of 2 and the CEO of Advena Artemis LLC. You can learn Business Tips from Misty at Arrow-Tips about Business Planning & Process, CRM Implementation & Optimization, and Project Management within different industries.